Tzav - raising the whole self
בס״ד
(1) יהוה spoke to Moses, saying: (2) Command Aaron and his sons thus: This is the ritual of the burnt offering: The burnt offering itself shall remain where it is burned upon the altar all night until morning, while the fire on the altar is kept going on it. (3) The priest shall dress in linen raiment, with linen breeches next to his body; and he shall take up the ashes to which the fire has reduced the burnt offering on the altar and place them beside the altar. (4) He shall then take off his vestments and put on other vestments, and carry the ashes outside the camp to a pure place. (5) The fire on the altar shall be kept burning, not to go out: every morning the priest shall feed wood to it, lay out the burnt offering on it, and turn into smoke the fat parts of the offerings of well-being. (6) A perpetual fire shall be kept burning on the altar, not to go out.
I find this past Parsha an interesting and personally timely one. The scene (terumat hadeshen) is one of clearing, decluttering, and removing what is past to be able to continue forward.
The Sfat Emet states that raising the ashes and carrying them away to the edge of the camp is the essence of the sacrificial process. Though these ashes are what remains from the offering left burning overnight (a negative connotation), it is the first act of Avoda in the morning for the priest. Before anything else can be done, the remnants of the night must be attended to in an intentional way. Not discarded carelessly, but carried to a pure place, acknowledging what has taken place.
While reading the commentary in Etz Hayim I noted it offered that the injunction to keep the fire “perpetually burning” alluded to the priest’s need to be continually attentive and enthusiastic in their work and implored the community to make space for that “fire” in communal leaders to remain alight. Both this and my Rabbi’s sermon suggested an interesting correlation with my current trajectory. Leaders in the community need to remember daily the physical needs of those they serve and clear away those things that prevent them from being most effective and attentive.
The terumat hadeshen ritual also hints at the need to honor those parts of ourselves we might wish to discard or hide for various reasons. Being our whole selves is integral: honoring our ashes found in the darkness - what has been or things we may not wish to see in ourselves - is an ongoing process that needs daily tending to. Friday, March 31st was Trans Day of Visibility. Svara: A Traditionally Radical Yeshiva recently released Trans teshuvot (here), one of which deals with the topic of being our whole self. Many states have passed legislation this past year that increasingly limits the places where gender-expansive people can exist freely and openly. As a result, I must find a space and create a place where I can be wholly myself.
I have been going through an intense period of overwhelm in my personal life in the last several months and have reached this point of clearing. Cleaning and decluttering my physical space not to make room for more but to adequately appreciate what is most important. So too, in other areas of my life. I have many things I want to do, like to do, and wish I could continue doing. However, to be most effective in my communal and professional life, I cannot do all of those things. I must choose what is most important to me now and in the future. This process will include clearing away the ashes of what has been until this point. They were important. They served a purpose. Those parts of myself I sacrificed for my family, my community, my job, and many others were important and deserve to be “raised” and recognized for the place they held. The things I learned informed who I have grown to be even though some, if not most, of those things need to be cleared away to make room for new things to come.
Transgender Flag
